New blog? Or old? What to do???

I feel like a light has gone off this week.

I feel like I am back.

I have found me.

I'm discovering new things.

I'm training hard.

And I want so much to journal my travels again.


But ...

my focus has also shifted - although I have weight to lose - it's not just about the weight loss.

Although I have learnt from 12wbt - I am using the lessons but not the program and making them my own.

I am torn.

Do I continue my story here?

Or start a blog a new blog to follow a new journey???

Crossroads

parkrun!

This is one of the most exciting things that has happened to my sleepy old town in my opinion!

And something I am so proud to be part of bringing to our town.

I am part of the proud run a bit walk a bit crowd at parkrun right now.

But I am pushing my way forward.

Right now I am focussed on the 2.5k river loop. My goal is to run that entire thing. Once I can - I know I can do anything.

Today I ran a bit walked a bit. BUT I ran 400m and 200m lots and walked minimally to recover. I ran 1.6k of the 2.5k.

It's might not sound a lot - but to me it's a HUGE win.

(oh - and more importantly to me ... I DID BOXJUMPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-

I feel like I am regaining me. A tiny babystep at a time

GOALS!

Yep - I sure do have goals this round!!

They are very different to the goals I've had in the past - goals to lean up, run far, lift heavy.

But I am SO excited about them.

SO - here we go.

1. Weight. Yep - I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a weight loss goal. It's not because I think I need to be a certain number. But it's because the fat I am carrying is stopping me do some really cool things (like run!). So yes. A weight loss goal is big for me.

My aim is to lose at LEAST 10kg. Part of me wants that to be 15 - probably possible - and gets me halfway to where I want to be. But 10kg would make big differences to my health and is DEFINATELY achieveable. Let's just call it 10-15 ...

2. Dress size. This means more to me. I want to feel more comfy in my clothes. Goal #1 - to get back into my size 14 work clothes. And my LJ workout gear!

3. This is my big overwhelming overruling goal. TO FIND THE FUN.I've gotten so caught up in the would could shoulds that I do nothing. And training and healthy food is just plain hard work again. But it shouldn't be. I am finding the fun.

Right now I am FORBIDDING myself to run. Yes - running makes me feel AWESOME - but at this weight and fitness - it is just hard work. Instead I am walking, doing classes, hiking - doing what is fun. And when my weight drops and fitness increases - then I might think about running again.

I am making food fun. For the whole family. I have noticed Miss E is asking more and more for "treats". My mission - to make food and healthy eating so great again. To bring in variety and creativity for both my girls.

And well - really goal wise that is it.

There are things I would love to do - like run 5k. Increase my ab strength. Begin lifting heavy again.

But what I am doing is focussing on those top three goals that will be a start for me.
And follow the program.

Cause if I trust in the process - all those extra goals will come with time.

Learning to walk before I fly

Last round was a bust.
You probably figured that when I posted about kick off - then was never seen again.

But this round I am back.
And I think I have found my fire again.

Wins from last round ... I didn't gain any weight.
And I started to spend some time finding time for me.
I began working on my mental health - looking for balance
And sought the sunshine anytime I could.

I'm not going to lie.

I find this first year with a baby to be tough tough tough.

And I have a delightful baby - but I do get lost in the new mama fog.

My birthday is in March.
I'm turning 40.

I want to be happy and confident at 40 - not wishing I had made the first step - then kept going.

I am making some changes in how I approach this.

The biggest one.

I am NOT going to relearn to run.

Seriously.

Which is strange because running  is how I know I am fit and happy!

But trying to run (and I really can't) is making me sad and depressed - then I don't train.

So - I am starting with baby steps.

I am walking in the sunshine every day.

And doing the beginner program.

And one day - when I run (and I will) it will be from a fitness and weight basis that can sustain it.

My BIG goal this round?

To find the FUN again.

To stop making it all too hard - then getting sad about what I can't/don't do.

I am going to make health FUN for my whole family.
The rest of the goals will follow.

Thanks for those of you who are still out there wondering where on earth ShrinkingKath went!

I am back - I just got a little muddled for a while

And we have KICKOFF!!!

Day 1
Rd 2
2013.

This is the one where I get my head back in the game.

I LOVE that we can customise the menus. So many excuses gone just with that!

So far so good. Food on track. Drinking my water.

I was going to train when Miss 8 was at dance this afternoon or maybe tonight.

But the day was cool and I thought JFDI and went after lunch.

WINNING!

Day 1 of the learn to run (again) program!
My intervals were longer than Mish's and I did a couple extra.

So that was good

But the biggest win ...

Fighterbabe asleep in the Bob and then stealth ninja transfer of sleeping baby to cot!
Result! Naptime with no settling  battle!!

The exercise program for today only gave me 311 cal burnt so I'm off on a walk later this arvo I think.




Oh and a massive thanks to all who sent messages of support. Yep  - I've got this ... and when I need holding up .. I've got people around me who've got my back. Love ya xx

Crap! I've got some work to do!

Kick off is tomorrow.

As always I've left my fitness test to the last minute. I seriously dread that thing.

I was so scared of the 1k time trial - it has been forever since I ran.

The head wind didn't help. At least it was gone by the end.

I could get down and despondent but I won't.

I've had a baby. And I haven't trained. Any loss of fitness lies solely on me.

Good thing is I also have a plan.

I've been tossing up whether to do the beginner/intermediate program or the learn to run.

And today summed it up for me.

I want to know I have the fitness to go for a run again.

So I'm back , starting tomorrow with the learn to run/5k plan on 12wbt.

My first running goal for 4 weeks time is to be able to run 2k ... and to have knocked 30sec off that stinking time trial result.

See you at the finish line

Does someone want to clean my kitchen?

Yes it's preseason task time.

And I'm dreading this one.

Not because I have a lot of bad food to throw - in fact most of my "illicit" eating happens outside the home.

But because it NEEDS doing.

I now a clean fridge and pantry makes me eat better. I'm happier creating in the kitchen.
I can see the fresh healthy food and don't go for a quick fix.

But I still hate it.

It's just an icky job.

Want to come clean my kitchen??

No???

Guess what I'll be doing tonight

Learning to STAND again - but on my own two feet this time

As we speak in Brisbane the STAND convention with Emazon is kicking off.
Those who know me, know how much I respect this woman - and by any account you would think I would be there. I mean the atmosphere will be electric and there is so much to learn.

But every time I went to book - it never felt right.

And today - finally I got clarity. I know why.

This time. Once and for all I need to STAND- but I need to STAND on my own.
I need to trust in my body, my wisdom, my spirit, my strength.
I need to learn my lessons on my own.

Right now is not the time for a teacher. One day that will come again.

Right now is the time to trust ME enough.
To remove my safety nets.

And to let myself fly.

I thought I would be sad about not attending the convention.

But I feel free.

This week I have left my PT.
I am leaving my gym.
I am not attending STAND.

But in no way does this mean I am giving up on me.

Instead. I am believing in me.

I am removing the safety nets, and for this period at least I am trusting me to do what I need to to STAND.

Enjoy this weekend girls - embrace it.

I will be with you. My red wings are spread wide.

Laying it on the line

This is me now.

Tired. Sleep deprived (well that is normal - I have an 8mth old!) Unfit. And wait for it ... 30kg over my pre preg weight.

Yes.

I ate my way through all day morning sickness - morning sickness till the day I gave birth.

I ate my way through the early days.

And now I eat if I'm happy, tired, cranky , frustrated - not to mention all those mummy and baby coffee shop catch ups!

But the biggest thing is I don't feel like me and I don't feel happy.

I feel trapped and tired ... the two things I know that taking  control of my life will fix.

And so I am . I'm saying it out loud cause I've pretended to long things are ok.

And they aren't.

It's time I felt like me again.

I'm signing up for rd 2 of 12wbt. Not because I believe it is the be all and end all and only way I can lose weight.

But because it is an excellent tool for a time poor me.

My menus and workouts are there and waiting. And even better this round, I can swap things around on the menu and it will personalise my shopping list just for me!

See me hanging around the learn to run program. That 5k is my biggest goal this round!

And the mums and bubs forum of course.

In the meantime , I am making time for me, eating better, and walking to build up some strength.

And fighterbabe loves our walks too xx

Bless xx

The courage to start ... again.

Fighter babe is 8 months!
She is a living breathing gorgeous miracle!

It's pretty much safe to say that we adore her! She is very very loved.

What I do not love is how I am feeling.
Pregnancy and early motherhood meant I did not put myself first, second or third in life.
I have gone back to barely exercising and eating crap.

And there are no excuses.

I've put on weight. Lots of weight.
I couldn't run if I tried.
My health , my life, everything feels out of wack.

And for many months starting again has felt too hard.

But you want to know something ...

more and more each day I know I am ready to feel alive again.

It will be harder. Working around a baby is tough. Working around a baby and Miss 7 is tougher.
And I don't have the benefit of a fitness base to help me.

It will take longer.

But it will be done.

It takes courage to start. And it definitely takes courage to start again.

Today I am starting at the beginning. Preseason tasks.
 What are my excuses. There are a lot.

But you know why I know I have the courage to do this again??
Because in the shocking news from Boston today - my heart aches for them because even now - I feel part of that running community.
I remember the ultimate HIGH from finishing a race. I remember the comradeship I felt along the course.

I hear stories today about how runners who were safe from the explosion ran INTO the bomb zone to help others.
I hear stories of how runners ran to the nearest red cross to give blood.

If they can have courage to go on when an event many of them have dreamt all their lives of running is attacked ... well I can say no to the cake and start again.

My prayers are with Boston. Have courage my friends.

Decisions decisions

I find myself wanting to blog again.

But I have changed.

In many ways I am still the same.

I am back with weight a plenty to lose :( But I know I will do it.

But in other ways I am so different.

I want to blog about more than weight loss and exercise though.

To start a new blog ... or to change streams here mid blog??

Decisions decisions ...

shh (I'm back - but don't tell!)

Shhh!!!

I'm back blogging.

I needed the break bigtime.

Problem is - it was too long a break from everything that makes me strong and healthy and me.

So I am back.

I love the act of blogging.
Of how it encourages me to be more and do more.

But this time - it is not to promote any program or my success in it - it is for me.

I still love Mish and the 12wbt ... but it is time to do it my way.

So here I am.

Back.

I want to feel that fire. That fight. That desire to be all I can be.

Right now - how I feel makes me sad and I will not be there any longer.

Today is the day I step forward.

Today is the day I choose life when I choose what I do, what I eat , how I live.

Today is the day I realise I need to find time for me to sit in peace. And quiet.
No people no phones no distractions.

I'm back.

If you want to continue to follow my journey - here it is <3

Thank you.

No facebook shoutouts. No tweets. Just my heart here on the page.

It's nice to see you again

xxx