Yep it's official.

I want to be strong enough to do this.

Source : pinterest.com

What scares you?

Source : pinterest.com

What scares you in training?

What is the one thing you always hesitate before?

For me - it is box jumps.

Something about two feet in the air both at once maybe.

Something about it being a completely unnatural motion to me.

Something about the thought of me totally missing the jump and the chaos that will ensue!

When I go to jump a new jump - you can SEE my brain getting in the way.

You can literaly see the negative thoughts when I hesitate.

And then - it happens. I overcome the thoughts and I jump.

And you know - I make it too.

After that the jump is easy. I can do it over and over until I tire.

Until something distracts me and I lose that focus.

Then it becomes scarey again.

The can'ts come into my head.

And I need to convince myself all over again.

It's a lot like this 12wbt journey isn't it.

Before you start it is so overwhelming.

Your head will tell you a thousand times why you will fail.

And then you begin.

And you just do what you have to do.

And keep doing it.

Until you lose focus ...

Then it becomes overwhelming again.

Until you make that first leap in faith, knowing you will make it.

I keep falling off the proverbial wagon...

but getting back on is getting easier and easier each time.

Just like that jump onto that park bench is getting easier with practise.

You just need to ignore the negative thoughts in your brain

Training as healing

Sometimes bad stuff happens. Stuff you just can't fix - no matter how much you would like to do things differently.

This week was one of those weeks -and in a small country town - it can be hard to find the joy when a tragedy strikes.

Thursday at work was hard. It was the longest, slowest 8 hours I've ever worked.

Turning up to PT was as much of a necessity as a want on Thursday.

I had so much sorrow and anger and sadness inside me. As I said on twitter it was a matter of cry, eat or train. And training it was.

I *heart* my pt. He took one look at me, knew the story of the day and said "You SO don't need to be in a gym - come on - we are having an adventure!"

So - with a run lit only by streetlights we hit the park - and it was healing.

A run in the semi dark, along normally busy streets that are silent at that time of night.

Laughing as he tried to bust his clients ordering junk food at the movies :)

Chin up attempts on monkey bars.

Box jumps on park benches

Spiderman pushups in the damp grass.

Sprints along the main street.

I came with a heavy heart. I ended the session - with the sadness still there - but so much stronger, and with a smile and a laugh appearing again.

Training can heal! What a gift I've been given!

Rethinking goals ..

(source pinterest.com)

Round three of 12wbt for 2011 saw me commencing the Lean and strong program.

I was excited.

It was just what I needed.

I needed to feel strong.

I needed to feel worth it.

I needed to feel that it was not about the numbers.

And that's exactly what it did.

I amazed myself. On almost every lift I could lift more than the recomended weight. My body was responding.

With four weeks to go of lean and strong - I should be on a high.

I am ready to nail this.

But my heart, my mind has been telling me another story.

I now know - what I was not in a place to know 8 weeks ago that I need to get back to the business of weight loss.

I don't have a figure in my mind. But I do know I want to lose a little bit more.

It will make my goals so much easier to achieve if I am lighter.

It will get me into that healthy weight range.

It will allow me the joy of running.

And quite frankly- there is still some fat that is not part of who I am hanging about. I want it gone.

Now - I could stick to lean and strong - see it out then lose the weight.

But that wouldn't be true to me.

I've come a long way over this journey - and I trust what I know in my heart.

I am ready to sweat, for cardio again.

I will still do weights and I will still do them strong.

I will still focus on strength with my pt.

That is part of who I am now.

But to be the best version of me - I need to take care of this weight, and I need to focus and get it gone.

So there you go. Lean and strong dropout???

Maybe.

But I don't think so! I AM so much stronger.

And I need to get leaner so the strength will show.

This is all part of the overall plan.

A new challenge is coming for me and I'm excited!

Stay tuned! I may blog it tonight!

Kath xxx

Do you ever have that moment ..

When you realise your heart isn't in it because your goals have changed??

I might be there right now.

Don't get me wrong - fit - strong - healthy - ... that is still so where I want to be and the heart of all my goals.

It might just be time for a goal review.

I think I've been resting on my laurels and I'm not happy there.

Big things ahead.

Maybe a countdown to Chrissy challenge.

Stopping. Breathing today.
Working out what matter most right now so I can focus narrow and nail that goal!

Halloween zumba night

I so don't do dress ups.

Better late than never

Last Thursday's Bootcamp
Honestly was tired to start.
And it took a good 15min for me to get in the zone.
I finished feeling all sorts of awesome tho!

This week - no theme - just smash me.

Run round the block
Box jumps
Run the blockKettle bell squats
Run the block.
Spiderman pushups (hello!!)
Round the block again
Kettlebell overhead rise + tricep extension
The block
Kettlebell squats
Block.
Toetaps
Stairs.
Bosu ball situps

Lat pull downs - drop sets
Cable single arm straight thingy (who knows what to call it!)
Rower 1min HARD then 1 off for 2 km
Xtrainer 1 min sprint on auto

150 challenge
50Squat jumps,
50 pushups
50 Star jumps

No more than 10 at a time. With stairs in between
Was meant to do it in five - took just over 6 minutes.

Then STRETCH!

It was fun but hard! I was tired after! And two pt sessions in a week, two step classes and bootcamp - my quads felt it